he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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