you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
