I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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