You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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