on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
