yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
