You're my little dorito
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
