She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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