I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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