so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
