Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
