I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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