I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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