today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
