by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
