Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
