just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
whose parrot is this?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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