he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had sex on a roof
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
