cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
