WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
