When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
