Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
