The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
