dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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