Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
