Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
