We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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