You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
false alarm, still single
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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