Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
