Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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