was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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