oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
