I wish I could teleport
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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