I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
