jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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