he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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