The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
