When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
