Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
