Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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