hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
