I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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