Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
