just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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