omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
