I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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