Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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