I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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