after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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