I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
