Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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