She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
