people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
