i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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