Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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