I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize