I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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