We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
