It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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