Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
