I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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