Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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