Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will be naked everywhere
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
