I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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