Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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